The Entity: A Short Story

I awoke in familiar surroundings. It was pitch black darkness, my eyes could see no conceivable images, but I knew instinctively I was in my bed at home. Suddenly I was overcome with terror. I realized that I could not breathe. There was a crushing weight on my chest, like someone had put hundreds of pounds on top of me. The panic and terror welled up as I realized I was incapacitated, helpless. A million quick explanations ran through my head, each one implausible and unimportant for the moment. I tried to get up again and again until my mind screamed "Oh my God, my limbs, I cannot move my limbs!" I had no power. Some unseen force was pushing me down, forcing me to stay down. My head was so lightheaded and dizzy. I tried to vocalize my thoughts, to speak, but it was if my chords were paralyzed. My terror was trapped inside of me.

In my head I started the Lord's Prayer, stumbling through the words. The feeling lessened to the point I could get up. I staggered to my feet, in the darkness slowly but effortlessly over the terrain. I got all the way to the door and then suddenly something grabbed me. I held onto the door frame for dear life, clinging as if my life depended on it for deep inside I knew it did. The unseen entity kept pulling with more and more veracity. I felt like Dorthy getting caught in a tornado in Kansas, helpless to a force that was more powerful than me. I finally vocalized one last scream "Help me! Help me!" But no one came. The entity sucked me in.

I woke up then, screaming.

Looking Beyond the Veil of Illusion

In many eastern schools of thought, the world is nothing more than illusion. Ignorance is

believing the illusion and to stop ignorance you have to look beyond. How do you look beyond the veil of illusion? Do we even want to look beyond the veil of illusion?

Everyone individual was born unique. We all have a unique perspective that are different from anyone else. We share opinions in common but you see the world, uniquely, through your eyes. We make choices based on our perspective many a times. But our perspective is innately flawed because we are the only one who sees that way. So what should a person base their views on? If you can't count on your preception what can you count on?

In Buddhism, it is compassion that leads to enlightenment, and helps you overcome that ignorance. Everything is rooted in compassion. If you view everyone, yourself, your friends, your enemies and strangers with nuetrality with equal compassion then you take a step towards overcoming ignorance. Why should you love your enemies? Because your enemies are ignorant and should be pitied for doing harmful actions and accumulating bad karma. With the idea of reincarnation, you never know how your enemy could pop up in your next life. (mother, brother, sister) Good or bad actions accumulate karma. Accumulated karma is what gives you a favorable or unfavorable birth in your next life. It is through love and compassion, in stopping the suffering of others, that you truly break through the veil if ignorance. (Altruism)

So why are we born as we are, unique individuals with these unique perspectives? According to Buddhism again, we are born into a life of what karma we accumulated in the last. Past-life karma creates your position. We are continually reborn until we can transcend karma and try to attain Buddahood. Buddahood from my perspective is not becoming a God, which some would disagree, but is the highest goal of attainment for a human being. Buddha represents the highest transcendence of a human being.

We seem to spend a lot of time in life on ourselves and ego. We are naturally egocentric but has that ever brought you happiness? The more we focus on self, the tighter we wrap ourselves in the blanket of ignorance. We must transcend that ignorance if we wish to be happy.

Old Man in a Chair

Old man in a chair

Sitting silent with a cold stare

Watching the window to the outside

Seeing life going, flying right by

Day to Night, Night to Day

Losing all sense of time

The clock continually ticking away

Life circles completed, nothing stays

From youthful glow, to wrinkled grey

From having lots, to very little to say

So goes the passing of an age

Like little specks of dirt, flying away

Dialog between Buddha and Jesus in Heaven

The girl state prostrate on the ground, crying. She felt helpless and started to cry out in prayer.

"Whoever up there who can hear me, I cannot live anymore. This world is cruel and unjust and people are the same. What can I do?"

In Heaven two were listening to her, Jesus and Buddha. Both were ready to speak and started at the same time. They turned to each other in annoyance.

Buddha started.

"She is in pain, because of her Karma. She has built up fruition and will be reborn as a hell being, animal or ghost if she does not counteract it. Her thoughts are about endlessly bad things."

Jesus retorted.

"She is in pain, because she sees and feels the evil in this world created by Satan. She must learn about God's love and his plan of salvation for this world and herself. How many times do I have to tell you there is no such thing as rebirths. You are born to serve God and then you die and come to my father's kingdom."

Buddha didn't lose a beat.

"What you call Heaven, is what I call Nirvana. I have ceased being reborn and now have peace and enlightenment. You were good in your life, sinless, that is why there was no need for your rebirth. You could not understand the workings of Karma."

Jesus shook his head.

"You are in Heaven, the kingdom my father created. God, the father of all, created the Heavens and the earth. You were born because he created you. You died and came to Heaven because of your good life and your self-sacrifice for others. You mistake this idea of enlightenment, this reward Nirvana, for Heaven. God is the Alpha and Omega and I am the Son of God."

The Buddha looked thoughtfully and spoke.

"If you believe in the Brahman, the force of all creation, we are all equally apart of creation. We are made to live a life of love and compassion and to live virtuously. With a wish for the cessation of suffering and its origins, one must train in the path of morality, concentrated meditation, and wisdom, and with a highly directed mind focused on selflessness.

Jesus shook his head again.

"What you call Brahman, is a mistaken term for God. God created the world, which became corrupt as Satan tempted the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. Through their sin the world degraded into greater and greater sinfulness and self. People became more comptemptible to the creator and therefore he sent me. I was a pure sacrifice to the world. It is my bloodsheed that made it possible for humanity to come back and be forgiven. It is only through me that one can approach God."

The Buddha shook his head.

"You are telling me that one man is responsible for everyone having a relationship with this God. That all else is wrong and that everyone else is damned to oblivion?"

Jesus looked thoughtfully and spoke.

"Yes, there is no other way to the Father except through me"

The Buddha started getting red in the face.

"Then if this is heaven and I must accept this, why am I here?

Jesus paused then and spoke.

"God wanted the amusement.

Spiritual Counseling: w/ Hudson

I made my appointment about a week ago and had no idea what to expect. I waited patiently for the phone call with a mix of fear and exhiliration. How else would you feel waiting for the call from someone who you had seen on TV and read about? I kept checking my cellphone panicking as the time ticked closer. Wouldn't you know it as soon as I put it down...my ringtone went off of LadyHawke, My Delirum. I picked up my phone and saw it said unknown number. I knew it was time and I answered.

She answered, "Hi, its Hudson". For the next fifty minutes of that time I ended up pouring out my soul and crying twice. Her words were probing, she asked about my family, upbringing. She asked me why I had made the appointment. I had to think for a moment but the truth was it went beyond the superficial of her being an actress. She offered another viewpoint. She quickly confessed no bias of any religion. She practiced Hinduism and openly listened to my engrained Christian viewpoint. We talked about the nature of God, that God is a loving God, not one of harsh judgement. In any religion it seems you always have people who take whats good and slant it to fit their own prejudices. I have seen much of that in my life, people that have been lost and hurting shunned because of preconceived prejudices based on someones understanding of scriptures. She spoke to me of Jesus and of his love, offering me words that would reach me knowing my background.

I cried my hurts and she listened patiently. She knew that the real problem lied within me, my own learned preceptions and that no matter how hard I tried to love others that until I worked on myself, my efforts would come to nothing. The truth is when you live in your mind, you become disconnected from your body. You were born to live in this world, not in your head. When you come out into the world, mind, body and soul, the world opens up to you and you find meaning and purpose. (Her wisdom, not mine) She gave me two homework assignments, to write a letter to myself about all the bad things I had done through my false perspective and to look into the mirror and say, "I love you Kim". It is going to be difficult since neither am I accustomed to. Amusingly we finished about four minutes early and she asked me if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. I babbled literally for four minutes, totally at a loss for words. It is always a good policy to shut your mouth if you don't have anything meaningful to say, babbled like a giddy fan (so embarassed)

In conclusion, by the end I felt drained and exhausted. I felt like my facade had been annihilated. I had no idea what I had signed up for and now experiencing it, I don't regret it. We will have to see what session two has in store...to be continued.

Cult of Personality: Celebrity

You know the irritation of having a song playing over and over in your head. Yesterday for me it was Living Color's, Cult of Personality. It bothered me so much that I got out of bed and went to the computer to look up the lyrics. I was startled.

The words were poetry, vital today as the day they were written. It is really the theme song for being a celebrity.

.....I know your anger, I know your dreams

I've been everything you want to be ....

We make a celebrity by seeing in them something we admire or desire. We put those things as well as that person on a pedestal. Smart celebrities know they are on that pedestal and display that "public image" that will keep them in the public's good graces.

.....Neon Lights, A Nobel Prize

Than the mirror speaks, the reflection lies

You won't have to follow me

Only you can set me free

We have seen countless celebrities rise and fall. (EX Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson) When celebrities "public image" cracks we are faced with reality, their humanity, which is that they are fallible, deeply flawed people. After we see them for who they are we then have a choice to follow or not. It is like a shooting star as it goes across the sky, it captivates us, but who pays attention to where it falls?

.....I see the things you need to be

I'm the smiling face on your TV

In reality the only power a celebrity has is the power we give them. If we did not follow them would we know or care about their products? Would celebrities get those million dollar endorsement deals? The worst thing for a celebrity to do is to tarnish their image and take their public for granted.

We are followers in the "cult of personality". We worship a graven image of celebrity, not the reality. It seems caution is in order....

Living Color, you were prophets!

Spiritiual Awaking...Sleeping in Reality

There is nothing more upsetting when you have that "Ah, Ha" moment, figuring out some great mystery only to have someone say something that leaves you stunned, feeling like you know nothing.
At 4am this morning, reading the Dalai Lama's, "How to See Yourself", I thought I came to a brilliant realization. I facebooked my favorite spiritual healer the revelation "you have to become selfless, eliminating the inherit value given to things and yourself. Only through selflessness you can become free and become apart of the cosmic energy." (Pretty coherent for someone who doen't get up usually until ten)
Later I checked my facebook and she replied "...there are so many ways and thoughts to be more connected...stay with whatever thought feels really good in your being...that's the "right one". I read and re-read that at least twenty times, "a thought that feels really good?" I was stupified. The truth is my mind has more thoughts going through it than trains in Grand Central Station. But then I started to think when was the last time I had a thought that felt really good?
Life is so fast paced, we go to our own uneven beated drummer, walking and thinking usually negativity. We want to achieve, succeed and conquer the world. We are never happy, prone to negative thoughts because they propel us forward to seemingly striving more and greater achievements. Our inner drill instructor seems to get us farther than our inner cheerleader. Why do we follow that uneven beat, because like dancing to music, your dance or life journey is going to lead you to stumble and fall. (not a dancer, here.)
When is the last time you stopped and reflected on a thought that made you feel real good and clung to it for even five minutes? The Dalai Lama says "Love and compassion open our inner life, reducing stress, distrust and lonileness" (8) Love and compassion sounds like a better cure than any anti-depressant, but why is it so hard to find one "feel-good" thought to cling to? Why do we focus on the negative rather than the positive? It is because of attachments but how do we detach?
We are deaf to the universal music of life. We are all trying to move to our own rhythm, in self interest, instead of the universal flow. We can only hear the universal rhythm when we become selfless and therefore find happiness. As to one thought that feels "really good" I will have to get back to you on that. To be continued....

"I am an infant on a spiritual journey...
By old age, maybe I'll have a sliver of insight"

Weekly Recap on Twitter and Life...

Well tommorow I have my family reunion out in what I lovingly call "the sticks". I will see people I haven't seen in ages and the wonderfully repetitive question will be asked, "What have you been doing?" "When are you getting married?" People have a knack for asking questions that are uncomfortable and obtrusive at family gatherings.

My answer will be the truth, "I've been on twitter and blogging about it along with my other passions everyday." I can imagine already the expressions of confusion that will garner to the equivelant expression as if I told them I took up stripping. Having my other job as a full-time caregiver for my grandfather would garner sympathetic looks of pity which I do not want. I am going with the first explaination. Usually if someone does not believe in what your doing they won't argue you with, or comment if your passionate enough in your explaination. I am glad I have been reading Plato and brushing up on my rhetoric. (why, can't they serve alcohol at these things. )

A gay relative I just finished talking to on facebook told me that he refused to come to the reunion because last year his uncle put his hands on him for his pro-Obama stance. Needless to say there isn't many democratics running around on that side of the family. I told him that I would happily ask that same uncle this year about his thoughts on gay marriage in New York. I am telling you there is nothing like potato salad and fireworks to make a reunion more exciting.

As far as Twitter, I look forward to the regular return of Jill Zarin. My favorite New York Housewife has been in London understandably enjoying merry old England! (limited Twittering) Hope you had a pint with some handsome English blokes, our beloved red queen! Also check out my review on Erica Negi's, My Life In Loubies, it is the best piece of fiction that I have read in a long time. It will help you get through the long week until the next episode of, The Real Housewives of NYC. And lastly, if your a fan of Hudson Leick and planning on attending the last Xena convention by Creation Entertainment in 2012, make sure you write to them. Hudson has not been confirmed and your tickets are not-refundable. You can go to the Hudson Leick offical facebook fanpage for all the contact e-mails addresses for Creation Entertainment.

I love you all and will let you know about the fireworks in "stick-ville". Remember "Standing up against hatred is the first step to overcoming it", xoxo - Kimberly

Final Xena 2012 Convention: No Hudson Leick?

Creation Entertainment recently announced they will be holding their last Xena convention in 2012. The guest list, while shaping up with many exciting names, has one glaring omission, Hudson Leick. (Callisto)

How can any Xena convention be worth the price of admission without the woman who played Xena's most memorable arch-nemesis? Since blogging about Hudson Leick, my readership has turned international, boasting all the way to India. I would call that bad business not to include an international superstar.

Since this is the last Creation Entertainment sponsored, Xena convention, which will be the biggest, how could you not have Hudson Leick. Her star presence alone on her offical fanpage on facebook has inspired and boasts the most loyal, devoted fans worldwide. It is up to you Creation Entertainment (tick,tock) but I know I will not buy tickets until I have heard an updated guest list including Hudson.

If you wish to contact Creation Entertainment go to the Hudson Leick Offical Fanpage on facebook which has all the email addresses. You can also contact Creation Entertainment on twitter @CreationEnt

*****Update************ She has been confirmed...order your tickets now! She will doing a yoga class as well!

My Life in Loubies by Erica Negi - in review: Part 1

It was by chance I met Erica Negi on Twitter. My first intereaction was when I made a comment on a photo she took of a shoe as she asked her followers if they thought it would go with a certain style dress. She answered quickly like a friend, as I quickly found out she is to everybody who comes in contact with her. As you come to know her, she bleds fashion. After a few weeks of discussions (some in French) I got to see beyond the surface to what a fantastic golden, hearted, first class, human being she is.

Regrettfully it took me a few extra weeks to break down before buying her book, My Life in Loubies, but once I got my hand on that paperback I could not put it down. I read page after page the story of Vanessa, a New Yorker, struggling with life and finding satisfaction in trying to raise a little one, find love, coping with the past, all while trying not to stumble in her Louboutins in the now. It is every woman's journey in trying to find a deeper spiritual meaning to life as it seems sometimes you just give and give, getting very little in return. You have to love Vanessa's realness as she tries to full-fill her passions through shoes, who hasn't done that? Erica's book is a relevant piece of fiction that speaks to every women. (especially anyone who is a fan of the Real Housewives of NYC or Sex and the City) She is my favorite author so this is only part one of my series on her. (stay-tuned)

If you have not picked up this must read you can do it through Amazon.com. It is the best $12 you will spend and if you have a kindle best $7 you will spend. You can always find Erica on twitter @MyLifeinLoubies.

Hero Worship: At The Alter of Social Media

Whether one believes in God or not, people cannot deny a need to believe is something or someone. Some people choose other human beings to worship, because they offer something they wish or desire in their lives that the person possesses. Other people believe that material possessions are a sign of status and hence believe in them to show their value in the world. But the question is when does hero worship become destructive to you?

In my own spiritual journey I have been re-examining my life and loves trying to reignite passion in my life. I found my childhood hero, Hudson Leick, on twitter (from Xena:Warrior Princess fame) and found my fascination reignited. The question of hero worship came to my mind when I joined her official facebook fanpage and watched fans in their God like worship. One woman literally published two to ten photos on the page a day commenting with confessions of love and praise. Hudson Leick was her goddess as she literally had nothing more to offer in comments other than love, praise and worship. She and I were similar in that I would of had no clue the extent of her devotion except for visiting the page every other day.

I have found myself on twitter following my favorite celebrities like a puppy, they my masters, having dog bones in their pockets. The dog bones being interesting little snippets making my mortal exisitence a little better, a little brighter. Most critics of religion will say that ignorant individuals choose to worship anything, because they are needy and feeble in mind and spirit. But I know I am a college graduate, avid reader and writer. The woman who posts all of those photos on that facebook page is a highly educated, highly decorated, multi-lingual business woman. Neither of us are ignorant and yet we feel the need to follow. I ask, is it wrong, for me to find joy in following a mere human being and worship at the altar of social media? As this journey continues we shall see.

"Becareful in your worship...for faith has the power to move mountains and cause wars"

Mean Tweeting: 21st Century MudSlinging

We love. We hate. In this 21st century world Twitter has given us a new tool to communicate our feelings with people about what we love and hate. But the question is when does your tweet go from a form of communicating your opinion to just being down right mean and cruel? Also when does that cross the line into be a cyberbully?

Cyberbullying became a phrase popularized this season of "The RealHousewives of New York City". Jill Zarin claimed that Simon VanKampen cyberbullied her. Many people have made their negative opinions known about what they think on that situation but again people only looked at the surface of the issue. Faithful followers of twitter that watch all twitter accounts of the stars from that show have seen nasty comments go back and forth between all of them. Simon VanKampen has received a lot of nasty tweets since the airing of the episode. I can say that when Simon VanKampen asked his followers for any proof of nasty tweets he made about Jill Zarin, I did send him one. One comment that had stood out in my mind was after Jill had called the now infamous episode of Ramona/Mario and Alex/Simon soft core porn, Simon made a nasty remark that if it is porn that Jill should add it to Bobby's (Jill Zarin's husbands) porn collection. He also made "apologies" that the intimate moments were not based on the exchange of services rendered for expensive jewlery. (Read into that as you will)

I tweeted that remark in reponse to Simon's call for alledgedly nasty Jill tweets, he retweeted it, and I received fifteen mean tweets from his followers saying horrible, disgusting things. (We will just forget he asked for proof) We ,the faithful followers of our favorite celebrities, know no one is innocent or safe from nasty comments, but when does it really cross the line into cyberbullying?

Here is one of the cleaniest comments tweeted to me from a Simon follower after my pro-Jill stance:

"Simon is being real, Jill is being a Jew"

I was stunned and blocked them two seconds later but if I get this kind of comment I can not even begin to imagine the hateful comments and volume that celebrities get. People blame celebrities for blocking people? I do not blame anyone for not wanting to read hate from hateful people.

People who faithfully follow Jill Zarin and read her last blog at Jill Zarin.com will remember reading that she alluded to Simon consorting with a certain individual that bullied and stalked her family. While many people claim Jill was being over dramatic I happened onto that website one day of that individual in question and how do I even know it was that individual in question? On her website she pretty much bragged about it, of course from a victimized perspective. She claimed she was a target, but what is her whole website devoted to, hate! Her entire website was dedicated to her hatred of Jill Zarin. I am not a therapist but I think a line is crossed when you devote a whole entired website to your hatred of one person, especially when it is not someone you know personally. Honestly, who has the time or energy for that? Could you imagine what a person could do with all the energy they spend on what they hate and redirected it to something they love, they could be making the world a better place.

My only thoughts are this, if you are making nasty tweets, question yourself why? Would you want people sending you that stuff. Secondly if you continually are sending nasty tweets to someone ask yourself why do I feel the need to do this? What inside of you is prompting you to do this? Again if you would not want someone doing it to you, why do you want to do it? As Jill Zarin said in response to criticism about blocking haters, "why give hatred room to breathe?" Hatred is a disease to your soul and is one of the most destructive emotions of humanity. (Remember Hitler?) Hatred causes only harm in this world and to participate in it is to destroy the world, even if it is one mean tweet at a time. I offer you the antidote to that nasty disease though and that is love. Acting in love will make the world a better place, wouldn't you like to live in a better place? (I know I would)

Question:

To Gossip Girl - there are no confirmed reports about Jill moving to London. Bravo seems to stick to a tight budget, unwilling to fork over the money for a copy right for Lisa Wexler's(Jill's sister) song to air that she sang at Jill's birthday. The cost of producing a show in London would be astronomical...my guess no.

Outcry on Casey Anthony Verdict

Not since the OJ Simpson trial has there been such a public outcry of disbelief and anger at Casey Anthony being found not guilty of the death of her daughter Caylee. She was found guilty though on four misdemeanor counts of providing false information to law enforcement officers. (a proverbial slap on the wrist)

Who believes that Casey Anthony was innocent? On twitter and facebook you would find very few people who are celebrating the verdict but rather are using social media to vent their anger and thoughts on this injustice. Most tweets are outrage but some morbid humor:

Rt; Octomom just hired Casey Anthony to babysit. She showed up with an 8 pack of garbage bags and some duct tape - via twitter

Most of the evidence during the trial was circumstancial, meaning it did not directly connect Casey Anthony to the murder. The prosecution used events and behavior patterns to try to convince the jury that Casey Anthony's behavior implied her guilt in the murder. It was problematic because the prosecution had the burden of proof beyond resonable doubt, not the defendant so whose fault was it?(the prosecution did not have a strong case)

Even though the verdict is a miscarriage of justice for Caylee Anthony lets look at it another way, envision with me tommorow morning in the life of Casey Anthony...

Can you imagine going to the movie theater, grocery store or the local mall? She will always have that nawing on her neck, will always uncomfortably squirm as people look at her. She will or think she knows what they are thinking. Could you imagine her going out to get a job? The world is now her prison as all eyes will continue to be on her. She will never be able to leave this crime behind, did OJ? OJ went to prison on an unrelated charge but I think Casey Anthony will have it worse. If she was in front of you, would you not easily shudder with revulsion at the mere thought she could kill a three year old. People will probably spit on her where ever she goes. Even if she becomes a total recluse, isn't she still going to be in a sort of prison? Her life is over. She may be able to start a life, change her name, move somewhere else. In 15-20 years when her child would of been in college (r.i.p. Caylee Anthony) maybe the public will even forget a little, but crimes like this are never forgotten. Someone will still find her, out her and public hatred will start again. She will never leave this crime behind her.

Casey Anthony may of gotten the worst punishment a self-absorbed, self-centered individual could get, eternal damnation in a world who will always despise her. She will never have a normal life. Nancy Grace is right she will probably become a celebrity, is one sort of now, even probably be taken under the wings of someone like Dr. Drew. But when it is all said and done she will never leave this behind. We will not let you Casey Anthony! R.I.P. Caylee Anthony

Get Ready for the Housewives HoDown for all the juiciest LoDown!

To travel in the jungle of Bravo's Real Housewives gossip is like going into an overgrown forrest without any tools to cut a path. Consider Megan, of the Housewives Hodown, your one and only tour guide through this jungle and with its wildcats. She gives you the most updated, indepth, information and perspective on your favorite housewives. She speaks her mind and asks and listens to her fans so you don't miss out. You don't want to get lost out there!

Her blog is the best 411 on the web so check it out at:

Housewiveshoedown.blogspot.com

And to keep in touch with her follow her daily journey on Twitter

@houswiveshodown

Seeking Spiritual Guidance: A spiritual reflection

I am sitting blogging in my little mini gym at home. Sweat is dripping down my face from various exercises yet my mind is going a mile a minute. My thoughts are a muddle of the present, my future and how to reconcile the two together.

I worked out more and harder hoping for sanctuary. But there was a question that I cannot eliminate and out run, "What is my purpose in this life?" It seems like a normal enough question, which I took for granted asking most of my life, but now I sit here facing middle age. I sit here introspectively day after day asking it with repetition and no clarity. I chose a path of caring for my elderly grandfather so he did not have to go into a nursing home. Most people that I tell that too commend my noble act, but deep down I knew that I was going to be challenged and struggle internally. I knew that I felt resentment before this journey even started.

I raged against my thoughts, trying not to feel that naw of resentment that was growing like a ball of raging fire in my stomach. I resented the situation, not my grandfather. The extra added guilt of feeling resentment only made things worse and I soon became an insomniac. Exercise was my only refuge, but that thought could not be suppressed. I knew deep inside that I had something to offer this world.

We all struggle to find our paths and our spiritual direction. I had searched in a million different ways and everytime I was faced with a wise spiritual leader I would ask the same question, "what is my purpose?" It seemed to be the only question that if answered would quell that raging fire. I received answers from "I don't know', "I wish I could tell you, you must find it on your own" to "we have no purpose we just exist". With answers like those, it is good that I wasn't a depressed character ready to jump off a bridge because that could tip the scales.

The reflective character actively reads and reflects but as one grows older the question never ceases, "what is my purpose?"I want to start exploring this question in hopes of not just catharsis for my soul, but the soul of others. I want my journey to be your journey and for you to share freely with me your thoughts and ideas. Let us come together as one...

He Said What?: Enough Already, A Rant...of Sorts

He Said What?: Enough Already, A Rant...of Sorts: "While zipping down the highway of information, I became aware of Rep. Weiner's Twitter page. So out of morbid curiosity, I read a few of hi..."

Excellent post! A must read by Lucien, a voice of reason...

In this world it seems that we are getting more desensitized to sex and violence. I believe Mr. Wiener is a product of this desensitized society. But if we make that an excuse for ourselves or public figures where does society have to go but down in flames. We all need a voice of reason! Lucien is a welcomed change.

Please follow him on twitter @mintedroyality for updates of his new blogs from: He Said What?

Unconditional: Official Short Film: Reviewed

Unconditional is a brilliant short film by Brandon Clay Thomas. In its fifteen minutes it does what most Hollywood films cannot do in two hours. The films stars Hudson Leick, as Alice, a drug addicted mother whose struggles to take care of her ten year old son played by Daniel Goldman.

This film highlights an all too common reality in today's world of people who struggle with inner demons and raising children. Hudson Leick's talents were used more beautifully in this short film than countless others which failed to use her full acting potential. Between her facial expressions, body language she showed her ability to fully portray the reality of her character. In Unconditional you are quickly sucked in.

Daniel Goldman as the sweet innocent son coping with his mother's addiction rivaled Hudson. At the end as he brings Hudson's character Alice to tears through his display of unconditional love, so I felt a tear welling in me.

To say that Brandon Clay Thomas' film could be made into a full length feature is not to take away from the power of his short film, but it has enough real world value to deserve a full exploration that a feature film would give.

Thanks. Lucien. Watch the film at YouTube -type "Unconditional" or view on my twitter page

Skweez Couture ( a Jill Zarin Collection)

Who else is ready for the launch of Skweez Couture? Me..Me..and Me (raising hand) I have been following on twitter @skweezcouture and @jillzarin and I can say that September can not come soon enough for me.

When you visit the website, skweezcouture.com, your taste buds are tantalized with a sexy array of undergarments. Most times when you think of any undergarments, you suddenly get an image of a robust opera singer in a corset ready to bust. (not the prettest image) But when visiting the website you see a collection that blows that image out of your head. It is garments that are not only made to work with the contours of your body but to make you feel sexy, as if you were putting on sexy lingere. (this is not your grandma's shapewear)

Jill Zarin has been very candid about promoting her line because she geniuinely believes in it. If you read the story on skweezcouture.com she says "I am obsessed with shapewear as I truly believe that beauty begins with a great foundation." She went to work to try to eliminate the problems that most shapewear presents "seams running down the middle and matching skin color". Aside from the sexy look, Jill says, it is a shapewear made from the best, luxury materials and boasts the world's best control technology. What woman doesn't want more control over her life and body so she can look her best?

Skweez Couture is a collection of shapewear, hoisiery, shapertights, leggings, swimwear, bras, intimate apparel and accessories. Who can't wait until September? Its this bloggers birthday so I already know whats on my wish list. Thank you Mrs. Jill Zarin for making womankind's life a little easier with style and class.

Follow Jill on twitter @jillzarin and Skweezcouture @skweexcouture

Hudson Leick: Movie Watching and Collection Guide

As a Hudson Leick Fan I wanted to make an easy guide for everybody to either access or collect her movies. If you have addititional information please send it to me in a comment or via twitter at @kneddie.

1998- Something About Sex (AKA "Denial)

- available for sale on Amazon.com. available @ Netflixs.

2000-Chill Factor

-available for sale on Amazon.com. not available @ Netflixs.

2002- Cold Heart

-available to rent or buy on Amazon.com. available @ Netflixs.

2003-Primal

- availability unknown *contact if you have a lead

2004- The Last Hand

- available to buy on Amazon.com available to rent ondemand/disc @ Netflixs.

2005- Shockwave

-available to buy on Amazon. available @Netflixs.

2006- Hijacked: Flight 285

- available to buy on Amazon.(right now $5.98). not available @ Netflixs.

2007- Hallowed Ground

- available to buy on Amazon. available @ Netflixs.

2008 - National Lampoon Presents: One, Two, Many

- available to buy on Amazon. available @ Netflixs.

2008 - Unconditional

- *Thank you Magda and her Callisto fan group. Unconditional is a brilliant short film that is available to watch on Youtube.

Who is Jennifer Zarin? - A Modern Heroine

Jennifer Zarin is daughter of owners of Zarin Fabrics, Bobby Zarin and step-daughter to Bravo's NYC Housewives star Jill Zarin. She first came to national attention when she appeared at an anti-bullying campaign event thrown by her stepmother, filmed as part of this season. While only a part of her speech was shown, what was, made a strong impact on the viewing public. We all became a little more aware of what others go through.

Jennifer spoke of being born with a facial birthmark and hemagioma. Hemagioma for the non-medical dictionary carrying is an abnormal lump that is made up of blood vessels that can occur at birth or later. It was more than powerful as she spoke of being treated differently, being judged for being different and having to find the courage to overcome and carrying on. When I listened to Jennifer on the show I did not see her birthmark. What I saw was a role-model, a hero, an amazingly brave women who had found her inner strength to share herself and bring awareness to the world.

Television brought Jennifer to our attention, but over two years ago she started her facebookpage, "The BirthMark Project" which to this day continues to bring a message of self-acceptance and compassion for others. People that are different from societies preceived norms are always fighting a two front, uphill battle against others and from within. For seventeen years of my life I suffered with social anxiety disorder being clinically afraid of people. It tooks years of self-hatred and pain to come to a catharsis. As Jennifer said in her blog, "I've learned that what's made us the target of bullies or insecure (or both) also has a lot to teach us about life." To further that people must take the time to see life from other people's perspective and show love not hate.

She has won that battle by standing up for love by helping others. She has overcome her own inner critic, or as she says "inner bully" by publicly speaking to children of all ages bringing a message of there being "No Place for Hate". She is inspiring, empowering and motivating a new generation to be tolerant of people who are different. She recently finished her studies in core strength coaching, a form of life (and executive) coaching that draws on one's core strengths. She was a key speaker for the Anti-Defamation League last campaign event for; No Place for Hate.

You can follow her

On twitter: @Birthmarkproj

Her blog : birthmarkproject.blogspot.com

On F.B. : facebook.com/thebirthmarkproject

Or the Anti-Defamation League; Noplaceforhate@adl.org

Warning about Social Media

I was explaining the other day to my mom about what Twitter was and that I started a blog. She looked at me like I just said a barrage of foul, dirty words. Her immediate concerns ranged from privacy issues to legal implications of what I could possibily write and how it could come back to bite me. I quickly dismissed most of the concerns but than later that night it hit me, "what could be the down falls of social media?"

It was late and I was not sleeping (as usual) so I went on Google and searched my name. I know that a lot of people tease saying that is narcissistic but it was really was an eye opener. You do not know what is on the web until you search. I scrolled through about five pages and found most shockingly a website that was devoted to statistically complying my information on Twitter. (Website hint: buzz) It gave a pie chart of all the people that I talked to most, how many tweets that I did that month and the hash tags (#) I most often used in my tweets. I found out that big brother was watching and he indeed wants to know everything I tweet.

My grandfather always had a saying, "never write anything you don't want the whole world to see". We all know the more experienced we get on Twitter, everything we tweet is there for the whole world to see. (i.e. mean tweets) I have made it a priority to say only things that I mean. People have false comfort in thinking they can take back a tweet by a delete because as we have seen with famous celebrities in the news, there is always someone watching and ready to jump on you.

Another powerful tool on Twitter is the hash tag. They are great for people who want to search out others with common interests. I did though have one celebrity find one of my tweets and replied even though I never used their handle and hence they would of had to go out of their way to find. I was suprised they had the time to find it, but if I publicly say it, they have the right to find it.

I devote my blog to my Twitter interactions but I have to say someting about Facebook. If you publicly like any celebrity or public figure page by clicking the like button, anything you say or do on that page from there on in is for the world wide web to see. I have never been ashamed of anything I've publicly liked. (I am really too old to be shy about much of anything) But be aware of what you do, knowlege being power, since there has been too many news stories about people who do or say something that later gets them fired because their employer found it, not hired because a future employer found it, or you don't get into the college of your dreams because an admission officer finds it.

My only real advice is "Tweeters beware" and Google yourself once in a while. ;-)

Kristen Nedopak: Actress, Hostess, Producer and Sci-fi Goddess

I have to tell you that I always found it hard keeping up with my cousin. I needed the newsletter which she sent out to the family. I always had the sketchiest image of her in my head, knowing some notable things. She appeared in a nationally syndicated Swifter Commerical, appeared in "Its Always Sunny in Phildelphia" and starred in a movie called "The Scratch" which was rentable at Blockbuster. (With Blockbuster in its present state of affairs who knows how much longer) I bought a copy from Amazon which one day I will have to get her to sign. I did review the movie under an assumed identity on Amazon, I wanted to give her kudos and props without making it sound like I was doing it because she was family. (Shush! Don't rat me out)

I was always amazed by her drive and passion. She left a comfortable 9-5 job to strike it out in Hollywood. How many people would have the grapefruits for that?(parden the expression) She now does a host of different projects from producing on the internet "Pucker", hosting sci-fi events, tweets about her favorite sci-fi shows and interacts with her fans. It is amazing she still has time to act and keep a witty sense of humor about everything.

I have to say I was a fan before but since being on Twitter and following her I finally feel connected, especially enough to write this blog to pay her tribute. Twitter has opened a window to reiterate what I always knew that she is an amazing person, a wonderful actress and has a lot to offer the acting world. I also learned that she is becoming an avid swordman so the challenge for a duel is still on cousin! If you haven't discovered her yet you can find her on twitter at @nedopak or kristennedopak.com and we shall journey together to see whatever she shall get into next.

Hudson Leick: A tribute

I have to say that twitter gave me a chance to communicate with one of my favorite childhood heros. (I was 17 okay) Hudson Leick has haunted and capitivated me since I first saw her on Xena: Warrior Princess. Now people usually get obsessed with people for silly reasons, love the Hudson Leick FB. page, but some of those people even scare me.

What always fascinated me about Hudson Leick was NOT only her look, but the way she would powerfully emote feelings through her expressions. She had a way that made you just take notice and make you pay attention. In Xena: Warrior Princess she played Callisto, Xena's arch-nemises. The character was unique because she wasn't just an enemy she was a past reminder of Lucy Lawless' character Xena's darkside. *Xena created Callisto by burning down Callisto's village when she was a child, killing her family, therefore creating a psychopath bent of revenge.* (If you haven't ever watched Xena, I recommend ondemand from Netflixs, which has all season's available to watch.) You could not help but watch Hudson as Callisto and shudder with intrigue and fascination. To date, that remains her best known character though she would go on to make television appearences in 7th heaven, Melrose Place and Touch by An Angel.

Hollywood definitely missed the ball when it came to Hudson Leick, never allowing her to be the A list actress that all of her loyal fans knew her to be. After Xena, her talents were never used the same again. Melrose Place she didn't get to play an evil vixen as she should of (too many were running around Melrose Place). She played a love interest for Jake (Grant Show) which was intended to make Joe (Daphne Zungia) jealous. You know to see Hudson Leick, it could make any woman a little jealous! Even as an angel she barely got to speak in Touch By An Angel randomly appearing here and there as a sweet little angel just learning her way. (perhaps the worst misuse of her talents, ever!)

Her movie roles again would put her into secondary roles where she should of been the lead. I would most noteably say that in "Cold Heart", she could of easily replaced Nastassja Kinski as the lead. (I.E. Something about Sex, National Lampoon's One, Two Many, The Last Hand)

Hollywood, listen up, you have a GOLD actress here, that is A List, where so many today who are A List should be bumped down to D. You need to find her and put her talents to use. I honestly use to want to make movies just so I could put her into a better class of movies!

To keep everyone up to date Hudson Leick now is a spiritual advisor and yoga instructor. She opened up her own center to heal hearts and help lost souls find peace. Make sure you follow her on twitter at @hudsonleick and her center @healingheartctr. Please Movie and TV God's..aka producers find this treasure again and put her back where she belongs!

Real Housewives of New York: Season 4: on twitter

It has been an amazing ride this season with the housewives of New York City. On twitter it is an absolute jungle safari as faithful followers have watched their favorites fued via twitter which has added extra drama already to an already exciting season.




Out there already exists many great recap gossip blogs that follow Housewives shows, such as the @Housewiveshodown so I am only speaking from my viewing perspective on twitter and as a faithful tv watcher. Following on twitter I have come to adore Jill Zarin @Jillzarin, despise Simon Van Kampen and with the other housewives have had a love, hate relationship.




For most of the season Ramona Singer has been the villian which in yesterdays episode on Bravo we finally got to see a "good side". She went out of her way to throw a surprise party for her hurting friend @SonjatMorgan. Maybe there is something to be said about editing but as someone else said on twitter, you really don't know anybody by watching an one hour edited show. If you like Ramona make sure you follow her because she does watch her twitter. I know she watches her twitter because I said to a fellow twitter buddy once tweeting "I would just die if I got a tweet from Ramona". Next thing I know I get an instant update on my phone telling me that I, little old me, got a direct message from Ramona Singer! By the time I ran to my computer to check and see that it really just happened I find she deleted it! Ramona was never my favorite but I was supremely honored. She had obviously looked at my pro-Jill Zarin page and decided not to favor me with a direct message. I was devestated but then decided to look at it as a compliment. I was just insulted by my favorite housewives arch-enemy. (at least for this season)




Jill Zarin continues to remain my most beloved housewife throughout this whole season. She really went through a horrible time last season between her husband's health issues and her more than public fight with her best friend Betthany Frankel. I have seen on twitter from her what I have seen all season, she has been warm and inviting. She has not shied away from commenting about events of the show or her twitter fueding with Ramona. She has always admitted to her wrong and tried to make things better. I will continue to follow her with pride.
Follow Jill on twitter @Jillzarin. Other related groups are @thegingerettes @skweezcouture @therealgingerzarin, etc.

I also want to recommend if you are against bullying to follow @thebirthmarkproj which is the twitter for Jennifer Zarin. Jennifer Zarin is a crusader against hatred in this world, for the simple crime of being different. To be continued...



Yesterday's episode was about Simon Van Kampen cyberbullying Jill Zarin by using twitter. I can speak from my own experience that when he just recently openly challenged any followers to bring forth these alledgedly "nasty tweets", I did. He did not attack me but when he retweeted it on his page I received "nasty tweets" from fifteen of his followers. Can the apple fall far from the tree? Even more scary was that when commenting on Simon's behavior via twitter during yesterdays episode I received a gross anti-semetic comment about Jill, saying "Simon is real and Jill is just a Jew". In my humble opinion hate follows hate! ...to be continued.

Introduction to Twitter

I said I would never go on Twitter. I made jokes upon jokes many times that I would only do Facebook. You know when you say "never", somehow in your heart you know eventually your going to try it or really do want to try it. Well about a month ago I did and I can honestly say I have been hooked ever since.

People ask me now "What's so great about Twitter?" Answer: It is an instant connection with the whole wide world from your common joe to your favorite celebrity. In the past month since starting Twitter I have gotten tweets from my favorite celebrites and childhood heros. I have also made incredible friends that in yester-year would not of had the slightest possibility of meeting let alone talking to and becoming friends.

Twitter is a community connecting the whole world and I finally feel like I have come home. Thank you Twitter and readers I hope you enjoy reading my wild adventures through its land.