The Entity: A Short Story

I awoke in familiar surroundings. It was pitch black darkness, my eyes could see no conceivable images, but I knew instinctively I was in my bed at home. Suddenly I was overcome with terror. I realized that I could not breathe. There was a crushing weight on my chest, like someone had put hundreds of pounds on top of me. The panic and terror welled up as I realized I was incapacitated, helpless. A million quick explanations ran through my head, each one implausible and unimportant for the moment. I tried to get up again and again until my mind screamed "Oh my God, my limbs, I cannot move my limbs!" I had no power. Some unseen force was pushing me down, forcing me to stay down. My head was so lightheaded and dizzy. I tried to vocalize my thoughts, to speak, but it was if my chords were paralyzed. My terror was trapped inside of me.

In my head I started the Lord's Prayer, stumbling through the words. The feeling lessened to the point I could get up. I staggered to my feet, in the darkness slowly but effortlessly over the terrain. I got all the way to the door and then suddenly something grabbed me. I held onto the door frame for dear life, clinging as if my life depended on it for deep inside I knew it did. The unseen entity kept pulling with more and more veracity. I felt like Dorthy getting caught in a tornado in Kansas, helpless to a force that was more powerful than me. I finally vocalized one last scream "Help me! Help me!" But no one came. The entity sucked me in.

I woke up then, screaming.

Looking Beyond the Veil of Illusion

In many eastern schools of thought, the world is nothing more than illusion. Ignorance is

believing the illusion and to stop ignorance you have to look beyond. How do you look beyond the veil of illusion? Do we even want to look beyond the veil of illusion?

Everyone individual was born unique. We all have a unique perspective that are different from anyone else. We share opinions in common but you see the world, uniquely, through your eyes. We make choices based on our perspective many a times. But our perspective is innately flawed because we are the only one who sees that way. So what should a person base their views on? If you can't count on your preception what can you count on?

In Buddhism, it is compassion that leads to enlightenment, and helps you overcome that ignorance. Everything is rooted in compassion. If you view everyone, yourself, your friends, your enemies and strangers with nuetrality with equal compassion then you take a step towards overcoming ignorance. Why should you love your enemies? Because your enemies are ignorant and should be pitied for doing harmful actions and accumulating bad karma. With the idea of reincarnation, you never know how your enemy could pop up in your next life. (mother, brother, sister) Good or bad actions accumulate karma. Accumulated karma is what gives you a favorable or unfavorable birth in your next life. It is through love and compassion, in stopping the suffering of others, that you truly break through the veil if ignorance. (Altruism)

So why are we born as we are, unique individuals with these unique perspectives? According to Buddhism again, we are born into a life of what karma we accumulated in the last. Past-life karma creates your position. We are continually reborn until we can transcend karma and try to attain Buddahood. Buddahood from my perspective is not becoming a God, which some would disagree, but is the highest goal of attainment for a human being. Buddha represents the highest transcendence of a human being.

We seem to spend a lot of time in life on ourselves and ego. We are naturally egocentric but has that ever brought you happiness? The more we focus on self, the tighter we wrap ourselves in the blanket of ignorance. We must transcend that ignorance if we wish to be happy.

Old Man in a Chair

Old man in a chair

Sitting silent with a cold stare

Watching the window to the outside

Seeing life going, flying right by

Day to Night, Night to Day

Losing all sense of time

The clock continually ticking away

Life circles completed, nothing stays

From youthful glow, to wrinkled grey

From having lots, to very little to say

So goes the passing of an age

Like little specks of dirt, flying away

Dialog between Buddha and Jesus in Heaven

The girl state prostrate on the ground, crying. She felt helpless and started to cry out in prayer.

"Whoever up there who can hear me, I cannot live anymore. This world is cruel and unjust and people are the same. What can I do?"

In Heaven two were listening to her, Jesus and Buddha. Both were ready to speak and started at the same time. They turned to each other in annoyance.

Buddha started.

"She is in pain, because of her Karma. She has built up fruition and will be reborn as a hell being, animal or ghost if she does not counteract it. Her thoughts are about endlessly bad things."

Jesus retorted.

"She is in pain, because she sees and feels the evil in this world created by Satan. She must learn about God's love and his plan of salvation for this world and herself. How many times do I have to tell you there is no such thing as rebirths. You are born to serve God and then you die and come to my father's kingdom."

Buddha didn't lose a beat.

"What you call Heaven, is what I call Nirvana. I have ceased being reborn and now have peace and enlightenment. You were good in your life, sinless, that is why there was no need for your rebirth. You could not understand the workings of Karma."

Jesus shook his head.

"You are in Heaven, the kingdom my father created. God, the father of all, created the Heavens and the earth. You were born because he created you. You died and came to Heaven because of your good life and your self-sacrifice for others. You mistake this idea of enlightenment, this reward Nirvana, for Heaven. God is the Alpha and Omega and I am the Son of God."

The Buddha looked thoughtfully and spoke.

"If you believe in the Brahman, the force of all creation, we are all equally apart of creation. We are made to live a life of love and compassion and to live virtuously. With a wish for the cessation of suffering and its origins, one must train in the path of morality, concentrated meditation, and wisdom, and with a highly directed mind focused on selflessness.

Jesus shook his head again.

"What you call Brahman, is a mistaken term for God. God created the world, which became corrupt as Satan tempted the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. Through their sin the world degraded into greater and greater sinfulness and self. People became more comptemptible to the creator and therefore he sent me. I was a pure sacrifice to the world. It is my bloodsheed that made it possible for humanity to come back and be forgiven. It is only through me that one can approach God."

The Buddha shook his head.

"You are telling me that one man is responsible for everyone having a relationship with this God. That all else is wrong and that everyone else is damned to oblivion?"

Jesus looked thoughtfully and spoke.

"Yes, there is no other way to the Father except through me"

The Buddha started getting red in the face.

"Then if this is heaven and I must accept this, why am I here?

Jesus paused then and spoke.

"God wanted the amusement.

Spiritual Counseling: w/ Hudson

I made my appointment about a week ago and had no idea what to expect. I waited patiently for the phone call with a mix of fear and exhiliration. How else would you feel waiting for the call from someone who you had seen on TV and read about? I kept checking my cellphone panicking as the time ticked closer. Wouldn't you know it as soon as I put it down...my ringtone went off of LadyHawke, My Delirum. I picked up my phone and saw it said unknown number. I knew it was time and I answered.

She answered, "Hi, its Hudson". For the next fifty minutes of that time I ended up pouring out my soul and crying twice. Her words were probing, she asked about my family, upbringing. She asked me why I had made the appointment. I had to think for a moment but the truth was it went beyond the superficial of her being an actress. She offered another viewpoint. She quickly confessed no bias of any religion. She practiced Hinduism and openly listened to my engrained Christian viewpoint. We talked about the nature of God, that God is a loving God, not one of harsh judgement. In any religion it seems you always have people who take whats good and slant it to fit their own prejudices. I have seen much of that in my life, people that have been lost and hurting shunned because of preconceived prejudices based on someones understanding of scriptures. She spoke to me of Jesus and of his love, offering me words that would reach me knowing my background.

I cried my hurts and she listened patiently. She knew that the real problem lied within me, my own learned preceptions and that no matter how hard I tried to love others that until I worked on myself, my efforts would come to nothing. The truth is when you live in your mind, you become disconnected from your body. You were born to live in this world, not in your head. When you come out into the world, mind, body and soul, the world opens up to you and you find meaning and purpose. (Her wisdom, not mine) She gave me two homework assignments, to write a letter to myself about all the bad things I had done through my false perspective and to look into the mirror and say, "I love you Kim". It is going to be difficult since neither am I accustomed to. Amusingly we finished about four minutes early and she asked me if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. I babbled literally for four minutes, totally at a loss for words. It is always a good policy to shut your mouth if you don't have anything meaningful to say, babbled like a giddy fan (so embarassed)

In conclusion, by the end I felt drained and exhausted. I felt like my facade had been annihilated. I had no idea what I had signed up for and now experiencing it, I don't regret it. We will have to see what session two has in store...to be continued.

Cult of Personality: Celebrity

You know the irritation of having a song playing over and over in your head. Yesterday for me it was Living Color's, Cult of Personality. It bothered me so much that I got out of bed and went to the computer to look up the lyrics. I was startled.

The words were poetry, vital today as the day they were written. It is really the theme song for being a celebrity.

.....I know your anger, I know your dreams

I've been everything you want to be ....

We make a celebrity by seeing in them something we admire or desire. We put those things as well as that person on a pedestal. Smart celebrities know they are on that pedestal and display that "public image" that will keep them in the public's good graces.

.....Neon Lights, A Nobel Prize

Than the mirror speaks, the reflection lies

You won't have to follow me

Only you can set me free

We have seen countless celebrities rise and fall. (EX Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson) When celebrities "public image" cracks we are faced with reality, their humanity, which is that they are fallible, deeply flawed people. After we see them for who they are we then have a choice to follow or not. It is like a shooting star as it goes across the sky, it captivates us, but who pays attention to where it falls?

.....I see the things you need to be

I'm the smiling face on your TV

In reality the only power a celebrity has is the power we give them. If we did not follow them would we know or care about their products? Would celebrities get those million dollar endorsement deals? The worst thing for a celebrity to do is to tarnish their image and take their public for granted.

We are followers in the "cult of personality". We worship a graven image of celebrity, not the reality. It seems caution is in order....

Living Color, you were prophets!

Spiritiual Awaking...Sleeping in Reality

There is nothing more upsetting when you have that "Ah, Ha" moment, figuring out some great mystery only to have someone say something that leaves you stunned, feeling like you know nothing.
At 4am this morning, reading the Dalai Lama's, "How to See Yourself", I thought I came to a brilliant realization. I facebooked my favorite spiritual healer the revelation "you have to become selfless, eliminating the inherit value given to things and yourself. Only through selflessness you can become free and become apart of the cosmic energy." (Pretty coherent for someone who doen't get up usually until ten)
Later I checked my facebook and she replied "...there are so many ways and thoughts to be more connected...stay with whatever thought feels really good in your being...that's the "right one". I read and re-read that at least twenty times, "a thought that feels really good?" I was stupified. The truth is my mind has more thoughts going through it than trains in Grand Central Station. But then I started to think when was the last time I had a thought that felt really good?
Life is so fast paced, we go to our own uneven beated drummer, walking and thinking usually negativity. We want to achieve, succeed and conquer the world. We are never happy, prone to negative thoughts because they propel us forward to seemingly striving more and greater achievements. Our inner drill instructor seems to get us farther than our inner cheerleader. Why do we follow that uneven beat, because like dancing to music, your dance or life journey is going to lead you to stumble and fall. (not a dancer, here.)
When is the last time you stopped and reflected on a thought that made you feel real good and clung to it for even five minutes? The Dalai Lama says "Love and compassion open our inner life, reducing stress, distrust and lonileness" (8) Love and compassion sounds like a better cure than any anti-depressant, but why is it so hard to find one "feel-good" thought to cling to? Why do we focus on the negative rather than the positive? It is because of attachments but how do we detach?
We are deaf to the universal music of life. We are all trying to move to our own rhythm, in self interest, instead of the universal flow. We can only hear the universal rhythm when we become selfless and therefore find happiness. As to one thought that feels "really good" I will have to get back to you on that. To be continued....

"I am an infant on a spiritual journey...
By old age, maybe I'll have a sliver of insight"